Let’s start with the definition of self esteem. According to the dictionary self esteem is ”confidence in one’s own worth or abilities”. Some synonyms are “self-respect, pride, dignity, self-regard, faith in oneself, morale, self-confidence, confidence and self-assurance”.
Some signs of low self esteem are: a string of thoughts and feelings including self doubt, negativity, incapability, discomfort, procrastination, frustration, fear, anger unhappiness and shyness. Can we actually reverse low self esteem and if so what is the most effective way?
My experience and research tells us that low self esteem is reversible and there have been hundreds of books that fill hundreds of pages that give the recipe for addressing this issue. Some of the “to do” things to reverse low self esteem are: become positive, stay away from negative things and people, become decisive, love and have compassion for self, be thankful, appreciative and forgive. These are all good qualities that can in fact turn the tide against low self esteem. We can go on for quite some time listing the traits that will build self esteem but I like to start with causes that create the problem in the first place.
To me the main cause of low self esteem is fear. Fear is the starting point for the downhill slide into low self esteem. All of the characteristics of low self esteem, some of which I listed above, are simply iterations of the primary fear. I think it is a good idea to address the “to do” list of behavior change that will be instumental in increasing self esteem but if the core fear isn’t addressed along with it, you will be wasting your time. In fact, addressing the fear as the main strategy is highly effective.
I have found that fear is most effectively addresed by incorporating the practice of mindfulness into your life. Mindfulness has a way of keeping the nervous system clear of the core fear that rears it’s head in the fight or flight response, particularly when it gets stuck for extended periods of time. It’s impossible to be in fear when you are “in the moment”. All things negative tend to fall away on their own when in the moment. This “falling away” is what allows for the gradual arising of all the qualities that we associate with a healthy self esteem.
So rest assured that low self esteem is reversible and that mindfulness combined with a natural healing process and common sense will put you on the right path.